#even when it's stressful and difficult

[theghostofashton]

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[pansyfemme]

i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess

[seagulley]

a very polite animal very politely waits her turn at rally class.

[skunkes]

i dpnt want to go hoooome

[hephaestuscrew]

In Ep45 Desperate Measures, Minkowski really needs the SI-5 (particularly Jacobi) to believe that she will shoot Maxwell if they don't back down. In that particular situation, she's desperate to be seen as unafraid and ruthless. If she can convince the SI-5 that she is willing to kill Maxwell, she can avoid having to find out whether she is. Only by giving the impression of being relaxed about violence can she avoid having to commit it.

But her hands betray her. As Minkowski points the gun, Maxwell notices how "her hands are shaking. A lot." Minkowski can't hide that sign of how on edge she is, no matter how much she might want to. Maxwell tells this to Jacobi with a little laugh, giving it as evidence for her certainty that Minkowski won't kill her. Jacobi believes Maxwell's assessment of the situation, but her assumptions are wrong; Minkowski fires that gun with her trembling hands. She's not the sort of person who can kill with steady hands, ruthless and unafraid. But she can still kill.

Later, in Ep53 Dirty Work, Minkowski claims "even in that moment, I didn't mean to do it... the noise. The explosion. It was a reflex. I think it was." I don't entirely believe this explanation of the incident, but I do think there is probably some element of instinctive motion involved when Minkowski pulls that trigger. In which case - contrary to Maxwell's assumptions - the lack of calm suggested by Minkowski's shaking hands could have actually contributed to her shooting Maxwell. If her hands are shaking, her reflexes are probably tensed, and her finger is trembling on the trigger, which just needs one small movement to fire...

[icewindandboringhorror]

"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"

I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming

[rawliverandgoronspice]

did my part, removed some frustration posts, let's hold hands, ganondorf is very cute, kiss on the top of his forehead <3

[sealrock]

decembhyur, day 30: future

regardless of everything that you endured, in the end... everything will be okay.

[nomairuins]

i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

[steakout-05]

something that had always been really frustrating for me when i was still in math classes in school was trying to watch the teacher actually work the problem out on the board and still not understanding wtf was happening. for some context, i heavily suspect that i have some form of dyscalculia because math and numbers literally do not compute properly in my brain. it'd be too long to explain the full extent of my possible dyscalculia here but math literally does the mental equivalent of maxing out the CPU power and memory of a computer to the point where it freezes and lags to my brain.

math class was always stressful for me because no matter what i did and how much progress i made, there was always a lack of understanding i had when it came to trying to work any math problem out long term and remembering anything. it felt like there was always something i was missing, so when the time came for the teacher to explain and go through a math problem step-by-step on the whiteboard, i made sure i paid as much attention to it as humanly possible as child-to-teenager me could muster and even then i still did not understand how the fuck they solved it, all because of one thing: the teacher pulling a random number completely out of their ass that happened to be the key to solving the problem.

like. i don't think i can illustrate how frustrating and isolating this was to experience with words alone. here i was, paying as much attention as i physically could, trying my damned hardest to memorise each individual step and calculation in order to understand how to get from point A to point B. everything made perfect sense up until the teacher suddenly stops for a second and writes a seemingly completely unrelated number there with no context as to why it's there in the first place, and then, in that singular moment, everything immediately comes crumbling down and i'm left completely confused. and somehow, everyone else around me perfectly understands it except me. like. imagine sitting there, giving the teacher all the attention you possibly could, literally watching and studying their hand movements just to understand every single step, only to be even more confused than your classmates, who you're pretty sure were half-asleep during the explanation, who also say they understand how the teacher came to that conclusion. what. the actual fuck.

when i try to explain how infinitely confusing and irritating this was for me, i'm reminded of a quote from that video Patricia Taxxon made about DHMIS: "The rug is pulled again ... There was never any hope of following the thread, understanding is impossible.". even when i was literally trying my best to possibly follow anything that was happening, the rug still gets pulled out from under my feet and i'm sent all the way back to square one of not understanding a single thing and being confused again. all because the teacher didn't explicitly explain how they got that random number that was apparently singlehandedly necessary for solving the equation and where they got it from, apart from that place being from literally fucking nowhere.

it's really no wonder that i eventually stopped giving a shit about paying attention in math class, because even when i was, it was still daunting and incomprehensible as always. why bother trying anymore when trying still gets you nowhere? trying to ask the teacher where they got that number from was an impossible to understand task as well, as their either snapped back with a "well you should have been paying attention" (even though i WAS but whatever) or they do explain that they added the first two numbers from the equation together or something, but now i'm wondering why they didn't just explain that in the first place like they did with everything else instead of seemingly just assuming everyone would know to do that.

by the way, if i had to give an estimate, my math ability is probably still at like. a 5th grader's level at best. so uh. yeah it's not good. still, it is kinda funny to me though, not only because i do find a bit of humour in the situation, but also because some people are often so quick to judge someone's intelligence purely based on their mathematical abilities alone. like. the idea of someone calling me dumb for still needing to do addition with my fingers despite the fact that my reading and language levels are considered above average is really funny to me lmaooo

[mellotronmkll]

I need to stop having one weird reaction with someone and then letting the anxiety decide in my head that the friendship is doomed because I ruined it like it's my absolute worst trait and I just have to move past it but it's hard

[running-in-the-dark]

my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.

it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).

I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭

[cookiepwee]

yeag so i had a breakdown and completely isolated myself yesterday lmao

idk what to do really i just need to share that i'm sad and i'm sorry

[here-there-were-dragons]

mother's ranting at my dad about how i need to get put on disability and "think of the future" and how horrifying and deranged and "killing her" i am again because i disagreed with her about how oil rigs are built after 20 minutes of her randomly voicing her out of context reactions to clickbait articles at me while i quietly made breakfast and she decided that meant i've been Harassing Her All Day and therefore every single interaction now needs to be a fight (preferably about immigrants somehow) again

she's also for some reason absolutely convinced that i'm "just mad because the toaster broke and taking it out on her"

i was... never even really upset about the toaster at all?? she was significantly more bothered by it than i was. like i can't even really say i felt even mildly annoyed by it? vaguely momentarily inconvenienced, at most, and i forgot about it entirely within like two minutes. trying to get a straight answer out of her about if i could safely put the slightly warmed bread back afterwards was significantly more irritating. but i guess anything goes in her mind if it means she can blame anything other than herself and make me look insane in the process, and so she's going around insisting to everyone that i'm an evil psycho that's "Abusing" her because i'm So Mad About The Toaster and the worst part is i know literally everyone and ESPECIALLY any hypothetical psych workers is going to believe her over me no matter what.

it's been like 20 minutes and she's still going on about how i need to "be an adult" and "plan for the future" and what a burden i am. at this point i'm convinced she gets off on going on like this about me.

[corset]

Our mental health has been in such an interestingly terrible place for the last month or so. Genuinely kind of fascinating to watch from different internal angles....like watching the ocean ebb and flow and change temperament at random sometimes based on weather or the moon or something. Like this shit is just terrible

[rainia]

i don’t know why dnd podcasters seem to often have this anxiety over playing a character with a different gender to them. Like just play the character as you would any other. but you use a new set of pronouns. It’s like that simple. No you don’t need to put on an exaggerated feminine/masculine voice. no, you don’t need an in depth understanding of psychology. funnily enough, people with different genders to you are still, in fact, just people. go figure I guess